Disappointed…

Posted on May 31, 2012 - Filed Under Accidents, Sex | Leave a Comment

Turns out, they make bins and office supplies, not sex dolls, that was a pretty awkward phone call.  Almost ended ordering a red-topped dustbin, 2 rather large coffee jugs and a massive, yet slightly damaged back door…    

Read More..>>

This could be your face…

Posted on May 28, 2012 - Filed Under Accidents, Sex | Leave a Comment

A night of hot eurovision singers and look what happened…

Read More..>>

Child Support..

Posted on May 25, 2012 - Filed Under Accidents, Hello Kitty, Sex | Leave a Comment

Just had ANOTHER letter from the child support agency about my illegitimate love child with Hello Kitty.  Apparently proving to the court that she was an alcoholic slapper who would sleep with anything with half a tail, was not good enough.  As such, I’m getting custody of our child this weekend, and I’ve been told by the […]

Read More..>>

Its hard having 6 nipples…

Posted on May 23, 2012 - Filed Under Milk | Leave a Comment

Last night Owen caught me in his bedroom trying ‘something’ that a few people might consider a bit strange.  I think I need to explain. It might seem like I’m a massive sexual deviant, (which we all know I am) but I was just wearing the bra’s because I was trying an experiment involving milk and […]

Read More..>>

Sour Oranges…

Posted on May 23, 2012 - Filed Under Accidents, Hookers, Sex | Leave a Comment

This is possibly one of the most sour orange juice drinks ever. I’ve just drank 19 of them in a row. My fiery kitty piss is going to be able to melt a hookers face later…mew….

Read More..>>

Asserting My Olympic Prowess…

Posted on May 21, 2012 - Filed Under World Domination | 2 Comments

The Olympics is the perfect combination of media exposure and sensationalism for me to start striking fear in the hearts of the mass population. I was originally planning to hanglide naked into the middle of the stadium just at the end of the 100m final, and assert my dominance over the puny human race, however […]

Read More..>>

Because All The Bitches Love It…

Posted on May 19, 2012 - Filed Under Sex | Leave a Comment

If this doesn’t serve to attract sexy ladies of the night, then I don’t know what will! Either that, or I’ll use it to distract fatties…mew…

Read More..>>

Nothing but mammals…

Posted on May 18, 2012 - Filed Under Bed Intruder, Sex | Leave a Comment

You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals… But I do still like to moisturise…

Read More..>>

Lies told by Steel Panther Part 1…

Posted on May 14, 2012 - Filed Under Accidents, Bed Intruder, Sex | Leave a Comment

I’ve been listening to Steel Panther a lot, and trying out some of the advice given in their songs.  Turns out it’s all lies!!  Here is what happened to me: Telling a stripper that she’s ugly – from the song “Critter” This one was pretty easy to do, I went straight down to Hooters.  Turns […]

Read More..>>

Bounty Notice – Dave Benson Phillips…

Posted on May 5, 2012 - Filed Under Crystal Maze, World Domination | Leave a Comment

Minions, I require Dave Benson Phillips to hang next to the molested corpse of Pat Sharpe in my Crystal Maze Basement Dungeon.  I need him alive because I want to finally get to play “Get your own back” and get even with John Major for sticking it to Edwina Currie before I got the chance… […]

Read More..>> keep looking »